Internet Web Help

Conclusion: Frappuccinos taste like the past, not the future. They are the taste of the Clinton administration, of distressed graphic design and Spin Doctors records.

I am confident in the universality of this judgment.

To tip me off further, they’ve set up operations in Barrie, my wife’s hometown.

Yes, mein amigos, there’s a Flying Monkeys brewery.

Now, flying monkeys are a common trope in pop culture, so I didn’t know it was them right away. But now they’re releasing a porter, and it’s called, wait for it… Netherworld.

If that’s not the Battlechimp Potemkin showing his furry hand, I don’t know what is. And isn’t it just like Jammers to cut me out of the merch arrangements?

Had the Battlechimp launched, say, Orangutank Cabernet Franc, I’d have the grounding to provide a quality assessment. Suds lie outside my wheelhouse, so someone else will have to test it out and report back.

Okay, so since when did standing still in a weird costume become a busking monoculture? Down by the Southbank Centre there had to be a dozen different street performers trying to cadge coins from sightseers, and pretty much every single one of them counted being stationary as his main talent. Granted, the two guys in the anole costumes riding bikes were more mobile than the others. But with the competition on display consisting of immobile Shakespeare, immobile French dude, immobile silver statue, etc., you’d think a juggler or classical guitarist would move in to easily conquer their malnourished entertainment ecosystem. I can’t decide who was worse, lumpy immobile Superman or disturbingly off-brand immobile Mickey Mouse. Or is this all part of some art project to discourage tourists from clogging London, by ensuring that its street diversions remain consistently cheesy?